Fanged four ficathon fic: Second Prayer

[liliaeth]

Title: Second Prayer
Author:Lore
Rating:NC17
Summary:Angelus wants some ripe plump nuns
Pairing:Aus/S
Betaed by redeem147



Fine silk based gowns covered the two young women chained up on the floor. Spike wondered if he could grab one and give it to Drusilla. She did crave fine silk. One of the women was sporting a heavy bruise over her eye, coloring ever so slightly as he waited while Angelus went to get their companions. Darla and Dru hadn't been home when they got here. Spike was tapping the table with one finger, slightly annoyed with the smell of tears dropping down from one of the women's cheeks. She'd been whining and screaming before, till he'd forced a gag through her lips. The whining had gotten boring in very short order.

The door burst open and Angelus stormed into the room. Rage in his eyes, his lips tense and forbidding. Spike unintentionally shook back a few inches, trying to avoid the old badger's wrath.
"They're ... busy. Probably trying to find some other mongrel to share their bed with."

Angelus had been in a tizzy ever since their meeting with Him. The Immortal. Foul creature as he was. When Angelus turned to him, Spike quickly brought his attention to the scarf he was holding. Soft, gentle...
He rose up furious when he saw Angelus grab one of the woman; forcing his fangs into her neck and tearing the vein apart in his need to drink.

"Hey that's Drusilla's!"
Angelus just smirked and ignored him, continuing to feed. The woman's breast rose one last time before her eyes closed forever. The second woman started shaking. Spike grabbed her out of the way before the damn bastard stole her as well. They were Dru's, not for that....

"We're out of here Spike; leave the mongrel."

"It's..." He quickly stopped himself, realizing that the Irishman had actually used his new name.

Angelus got up, wiping the last remains of blood from his lips, tasting it like a connoisseur.
"Virgins weren't they?"

"Novices"

Angelus smiled.
"I think boyo, I'm sorry,... Spike, we need to find us some real nuns. These ones aren't quite... ripe."

Real? Spike shot up, wanting to protest.
"But I promised..."

"The hell with Dru, may Darla go suck down the master and fill his batlips with rabies." He kicked the corpse, it slid over the floor, leaving a mark of dark red on the carpet.
"I'm tired of this endless waiting for them to return with their giggling and laughing and the staring and pointing. Comparing us is what they are. She has no respect for me, no..."
His accent grew heavier with every single word, as did his rage.

Spike of course had absolutely no intention of going off with his sire alone. The last time had been... painful. And humiliating.
Some men might enjoy... that. But he most definitely was not that kind of man. No matter how much Angelus liked to prod him about shedding those least vestures of civilized society.
Well that and being thrown into the wall, getting your pants dragged down and having that big stick shoved inside your ass hurt. Much.
Even if Angelus had tried to open him up first.

Besides, he'd had to suffer from weeks of Drusilla's pouting afterwards. Hearing her mutter on and on about how only Darla would pay her any attention. That he rather spent his time slaughtering and doing other things with Angelus. He'd brought her gowns and little boys to make up for it. But she kept smelling her sire on him.
Calling out dear old daddies name in the ... most inappropriate moment...

Never again.

"Come on lad, we're off to hunt us some nuns."

Angelus started heading for the door. Spike wanted to refuse, but it was clear that Angelus wouldn't let him. Not with that look in his eyes. Not when he... So the younger vampire quickly grabbed his coat and followed his grandsire out in the streets.

Angelus was sniffing the air. Tracking down the scent of bound righteousness, he said.
Whatever would give him pleasure, Spike reckoned. And as long as it wasn't him.

They ran on, up to the streets... yet still they hadn't found even a single nun in this godforsaken city. Not in the parks, not in the streets, not even at the church where they usually flocked like pigeons. Too cold, too abandonned. And Spike had no idea how to speak the language that he could just ask for any of the cloisters. Even if Angelus had stood down still, long enough for him to find any.

Finding the novices coming out of church earlier had been nothing more than a stroke of luck. Finding any more nuns...

"It's time those women learn that I don't hang on their every word. That there's other fish in the seas than their misbegotten holes." And the Irish got worse and worse. Spike could barely understand a single one of Angelus' words.

If this kept heading where it looked it was heading, he was seriously thinking of ...
Angelus grabbed his back, pulling him towards him and nuzzling the nape of his neck.
"You wouldn't leave me for some big lump of manhood, would you Spike. Head off into the woods with some duke, ready to suck him dry bottom and top."

Spike tried to wriggle out of his grip, smelling the intoxicating scent of bourbon on his grandsire's breath.
"And Drusilla, head in the sky or up in some nobleman's lap. Writhing for him, with fake naivety."
Spike winced under his grandsire's words.

Angelus hands moved down. Spike could feel the fingers link to his pants. He closed his eyes, remembering all too well the many late nights that his sire had left him to go on trips with Darla. Leaving him under Angelus' leering eyes. The ones that Spike had been trying to avoid for weeks ever since the man had gotten his first taste of him.

Spike's muscles went slack. Tired of resisting, tired of fighting it. If this was what Angelus wanted, if it got Drusilla to drape herself over him to get the smell of Angelus out of him, then it was better than spending the night alone with his hand.

Angelus cold lips lingered over his neck, his teeth dragging in the cotton of his shirt.
"Smart boy. This'll hurt so much less if you just go along with it."
Spike somehow severely doubted it.

They were standing in the shadows of the church's portals and Spike couldn't help but feel the pangs of excitement as Angelus kissed his neck right in front of the house of God. Even if it were a catholic church. The sheer blasphemy of it was as exiting as it were terrifying. Part of Spike couldn't help wait for lightening to strike them down for this insult.

Spike moaned as Angelus fingers slipped into his pants, in between the undergarments.
"You wear too much fabric, boy."
And for a moment as Angelus fingers slid in between his ass cheeks, Spike couldn't help but agree.

His pants went down to his knees and Spike stood there, struck silent, not sure how to behave. No longer a blushing virgin, but not much more than that either. Angelus fingers slid into him, so much he was going to burst. Barely a bit of spit to ... Spike winced as cold bourbon was smeared into him, burning. The stench as Angelus' mixed the booze with his blood. Just standing there, wanting to sink through his legs but taking it, letting his grandsire's balls brush against his ass while Angelus forced into him. Rubbing as he started to pull out and in and out...Spike just moved back with him. Not wanting to be filled, not wanting to be empty and dragged along like honey on an beekeeper's stick.

And all along, Spike would breathe Drusilla's name through the shallow edges of his brain.
For her, to make her remember him, he thought.

Angelus just laughed at him. Leaving him standing there, his pants still down just as the priest came out of the church, checking out the sound. Spike just glared at him, noticing his disapproval just for a second. Like the old vicar finding him with his hands in the cookie jar when he was a boy. Made him feel like waiting for a spanking.

Dru more than obliged him the following night.


The end


Assignment
Name: Tania
LJ user name: itsabigrock
Email Address: tania@fangedfour.com
Pairing(s) requested: Angelus/Spike (main), any others as background are fine.
Slash requested: Yes
Time Period Requested: 1890's (post The GIrl in Question)
Include Minor Aurelian Characters: No preference, mentioning of Penn is fine
Three things you would like in your fic: A/S getting together to spite the girls, Drusilla pouting that only Darla will pay her any attention, Angelus unable to find any nuns.
Two things you would prefer not to see: Rape of a human, allusions to William or Liam
Tone: Smutty comedy is fun, moody is also fun.
Rating Preference: R-NC-17

Comments

[shapinglight]

That Angelus! What a tease! Poor Spike.

[itsabigrock.livejournal.com]

Thanks Lore! I'm glad you posted this at ConCrit because there are some great ideas here, it just needs a thorough beta by a native speaker. I'll be sure to leave some comments over there as well. But really, a nice effort! Kisses!

[shapinglight]

Hi, Lore. I thought I would try and do some critique of your story. I hope it will be helpful. One thing I have always loved about your stories is that you have some brilliant ideas. The Spike in prison fic is an example of this. It's a new world, different concept etc.

With this story, we have Angelus playing a trick on Spike, and I love the concept. There are some problems to do with language, so I hope that I can help.

Fine silk based gowns covered the two young women chained up on the floor. Spike wondered if he could grab one and give it to Drusilla. She did crave fine silk

I think you needn't say 'silk-based'. 'Silk on its own would be enough. Also, when you say 'Spike wondered if he could grab one', it's unclear whether you mean a gown or a young woman. It would probably be better to say 'Spike wondered if he could grab one of the gowns.'

One of the women was sporting a heavy bruise over her eye, coloring ever so slightly as he waited while Angelus went to get their companions. Here, I would say, that you should probably say, 'as Spike waited', rather than 'as he waited. Spike was tapping the table with one finger, slightly annoyed with the smell of tears dropping down from one of the women's cheeks.

I'm not sure you can be annoyed 'with the smell of tears'. 'At the smell of tears' would be more normal.

The door burst open and Angelus stormed into the room. Rage in his eyes, his lips tense and forbidding. Spike unintentionally shook back a few inches, trying to avoid the old badger's wrath

In this paragraph, you don't need quite so many sentences, I think. From 'the door burst open...' to 'tense and forbidding' could be one sentence, with commas. Also, I am not sure about 'old badger'. This is because a badger, although definitely a bad tempered beast, is thought of as rather cuddly here in UK, and probably old and grey haired. In Buffyverse terms, I might describe Quentin Travers or Wesley's dad as a 'badger'. Not sure what you could use instead, but 'wolf' might work.

Angelus had been in a tizzy ever since their meeting with Him. The Immortal. Foul creature as he was

Again, there are too many short sentences here. This could be one long sentence rather than three short ones.

There are several places where you have used...to indicate a pause, and I think probably one dash - would be better. The ... suggests something left out, a sentence trailed off, whereas what you're trying to suggest is something that someone is reluctant to say, or wants to change, as in Some men might enjoy... that. I think that 'Some men might enjoy - that" would have more impact.

No matter how much Angelus liked to prod him about shedding those least vestures of civilized society. Rather than 'least vestures', you mean 'last vestiges', I think, the last remaining scraps.

Well that and being thrown into the wall, getting your pants dragged down and having that big stick shoved inside your ass hurt. Much.
Even if Angelus had tried to open him up first.

Again, where this is fine otherwise, I think you're using too many short sentences instead of one long one with commas and so on. It would probably read better like this: 'Well, that and that being thrown against the wall, getting your pants dragged down and having that big stick shoved inside your ass, hurt. A lot - even if Angelus had tried to open him up first.

Besides, he'd had to suffer from weeks of Drusilla's pouting afterwards. Hearing her mutter on and on about how only Darla would pay her any attention. That he rather spent his time slaughtering and doing other things with Angelus

[shapinglight]

I had to divide my post in two, because it was so long.
I hope you don't mind my nitpick-yness. There is absolutely nothing wrong with the ideas and most of the language here, it's small grammatical things, which will make the sentences hang together better that I'm picking on. Here, there are again too many short sentences, and you might re-write it as 'Besides, he'd had to suffer from weeks of Drusilla's pouting afterwards, hearing her mutter on and on about how only Darla would pay her any attention, that he would rather spend his time slaughtering and doing other things with Angelus.'

It might be better to say what he was slaughtering - nuns, children, shopkeepers, whatever.

Angelus was sniffing the air. Tracking down the scent of bound righteousness, he said.
Whatever would give him pleasure, Spike reckoned. And as long as it wasn't him

This is a good paragraph, but again, it could be two sentences rather than four.

Even if Angelus had stood down still, long enough for him to find any.

You don't need the word 'down' in this sentence.

If this kept heading where it looked it was heading, he was seriously thinking of ...
Angelus grabbed his back, pulling him towards him and nuzzling the nape of his neck

Again, a dash, to show that Spike's train of thought was interrupted, would be better than the ...of the sentence trailing off. I would like to know what he was seriously thinking of, though.

"And Drusilla, head in the sky or up in some nobleman's lap. Writhing for him, with fake naivety."

Good description of Dru, although 'up' is not needed, and it could be one sentence rather than two.

remembering all too well the many late nights that his sire had left him to go on trips with Darla. Leaving him under Angelus' leering eyes. The ones that Spike had been trying to avoid for weeks ever since the man had gotten his first taste of him.

Again, this is fine as to sense, and gives a good impression of Spike's fear of being alone with Angelus, but it could be one, or at least, two sentences rather than so many short ones.

The sheer blasphemy of it was as exiting as it were terrifying

That should be 'exciting', not 'exiting', and this whole paragraph is very good, but again broken up into too many short sentences.

"You wear too much fabric, boy

I think Angelus is more likely to say: "You wear too many clothes, boy."

wanting to sink through his legs but taking it

I loved the whole paragraph this sentence was in, but I'm not sure I know what you mean here. Do you mean that Spike's legs were threatening to buckle at the knees but managed to hold him up?

I did think perhaps it ended too abruptly. Did Angelus get Spike all excited and then just leave him for the priest to find, or did he come first? I think maybe you could do with a little extra here, either to show Spike's frustration, or Angelus laughing at him, as I am not quite sure what has happened.

Loved the ending, and the whole sense of Spike allowing this to happen if it will only get Drusilla to take notice of him again.

I hope this is helpful to you, and I did enjoy the story.

[liliaeth]

Uhm, actually I had a post at con_crit asking for a full beta, thanks for speaking up for me, but I had the link come back here to have critiques together in my journal so it'd be easier to find.
DeborahM was just doing exactly what I asked for, and pretty good at that.

[killerweasel.livejournal.com]

*facepalm* Don't I just feel like a real idiot now. I'm gonna go delete the post then crawl into a hole and not come out again. *very embarassed*