I am Spike

[liliaeth]

This is an old message I saved from BAPS written by shipperxphile  that describes exactly why I'm a Spike fan. It's a message that more than anything says why I'll protect Spike, why I get so obsessed with the guy and why I'll jump up to defend him when someone insults, attacks, ... him in any way.

I thought of it as something I wanted to say as a response to a B/A-ers question in the comments of theantijoss's post about writercon. I didn't since I don't troll.
(well not if I can help it)

But I still thought it might be interesting to post it here.

This btw is a post in response to the age old situation of how ME expects us to identify with Buffy, something that a lot of the viewers seem to disagree with, including this poster...

(I seem to be one of the rare people who did identify with Buffy, up to S6 at least, but that's just me, for the record, I edited a bit so all the 'I'm not Buffy' parts of the post are gone, mostly cause I don't entirely agree with those)

 

Strangely, on the other hand
I understand and identify with Spike.
I know what it's like to appear
to almost be part of the group and yet,
NOT be part of the group.
I know what it is to want something and not to get it.
I know what it is to be knocked down
and have to get back up
ON. YOUR. OWN.

I know what it feels like when your accomplishments
aren't valued or perhaps seen by others.

I know what it's like to have a crush on someone
and that someone not give a damn about your feelings.
I know what it's like to pretend to be "ok" with something
when inside you're hurting
but it's better to pretend that you don't care
than to expose vulnerabilities to a friend/lover
who would use that vulnerability against you.

Spike I can empathize with.
Spike is emotionally accessible to me.
Spike is HUMAN to me.

I am Spike.