Writer's Block: The long and winding road

[liliaeth]

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I was bullied a lot as a child. To such a degree, that even now I have a hard time remembering faces. (yes this is connected, honest) It's like I tried to erase the face of every person that hurt me, and now I barely remember anything more than anecdotes of that time.

I mean, I remember it hurt, I remember events, but I don't have specific memories or you know, flashbacks like they like to show on movies.

I always wonder if I'm alone in having such a bad memory*g*

Personally, if I could change anything in my life, it would be to go to a different school for my first year of highschool.

After spending most of kindergarten and elementary school, at the same school, I then made the mistake of going to a high school with the exact same kids.

This being Herentals, while I had the choice of about four or five other schools in the area.

It might not have made much of a difference, but it definitely couldn't have hurt. Esp. My second year of high school, where I spent a year in a class as the only girl with I think eight or nine boys. One of the few actual moments I remember of my childhood is getting attacked by my classmates while riding my bike home. And then when I went to complain to the principal about what had happened and how they damaged my bike, I was punished as well, because I hit one of the boys bikes while defending myself.

Those two years, I took at least two aspros a day against building headaches. Because after a while, one just wouldn't work anymore.

I had no friends, no one to talk to, I still don't. I have a hard time connecting to anyone. I can talk to people, hang out with them, but it's never lasting, never real friendship and a lot of that is because of the early bullying that didn't stop until I finally went to a boarding school in another city in my third year of high school. Still wasn't able to make many friends there, but at least most of the bullying stopped and I managed to put a full stop to taking medication. Apparently this helped in stopping my migraines.

Even now, I don't think pranking is funny. I know a lot of people like it, think it's fun and entertaining. But to me, when I see guys like the Weasley twins in Harry Potter, all I see is the bullies I was with for the first eight a ten years of my school experience.

Comments

[spikes_heart.livejournal.com]

Loves on you, my sweet girl!

[jerusha]

You know, I thought this might just be me, but I was bullied very badly, and I don't have a lot of memories either. I still am friends with some of the folks I knew in high school, and they'll talk about folks we knew, and I just draw a blank.

[unstoppablei.livejournal.com]

Big hugs for you, bb. I was bullied too, to the point of depression. I'm so sorry that you had those horrible experiences. Kids suck, huh?

[jessm78.livejournal.com]

Does that ever sound familiar to me. I went through the same thing in elementary school, from 4th to 6th grade. I was a quiet, shy kid and did my own thing, so it made me a target for bullying. Plus the kids I went to school with were, in a word, psycho. They would do things to me and then manipulate the teachers into believing they were innocent and I was the problem. I even got a black eye from one of them at a slumber party.

I was lucky in that I went to another school for 7th-8th grade. I got my share of teasing those two years, but it was nothing like the bullying I had before. One girl from elementary school was crank calling me in 8th grade so much we had to get a police detective on it and that put an end to it. Then when high school started, a few of the kids on my bus had gone to junior high with the kids who bullied me, so they were familiar with the names they'd call me. They started giving me trouble but luckily the assistant principal took care of it. After that I got occasional teasing until about 11th grade. After that I think the kids actually started growing up. Imagine that.

So you're definitely not alone. But I haven't erased any of those specific memories. I've buried them and just think thank goodness that's all in the past and it would've been nice if things were different, but I still distinctly remember everything they did. *sigh* I still hate pranking myself. It's all done by a group of kids who have nothing better to do and whose parents probably don't give a crap what they do.

*hugs*

[jolly-ferocity.livejournal.com]

That sounds like hell. I hope some kid finds your story and feels less alone and afraid, and maybe gets inspired to take the (in its own way, scary) step of changing schools.

[lit-gal.livejournal.com]

You absolutely are not alone. There is not one thing there that I couldn't have written myself... well, except for the being the only girl. Other than that, I do know where you're coming from. I even have trouble remembering anything pre-college, and I suspect the drama I endured is the reason.

[shapinglight]

I'm so sorry this happened to you.

[archbishopm.livejournal.com]

And then when I went to complain to the principal about what had happened and how they damaged my bike, I was punished as well

LOL, been there, contributed to the great respect for authority I have to this day. ;-p